Can't Live Without You
by writter21
Summary: When Alison moves and breaks Emily's heart - again, Emily is forced to move on and start college at UCLA. But what happens when Emily's heart-breaker barges back into her life at full force and Emily sees that she'll always love Ali? This is a Emison fanfic and will have many rated M chapters, so if you're not comfortable with that - don't read. Emison is endgame, always!
1. Chapter 1

EMILY'S POV

My eyes shot open as the sound of my alarm pierced through my ears at a rapid pace. I lazily threw one hand onto my bedside nightstand fumbling around and knocking small stuff over in search for the infamous "off" button on my alarm clock. Just my luck, on the day I get to sleep in I forget to turn off my alarm. My teacher had a stroke and cancelled class for the next 2 weeks, so no morning class for me. I slowly pushed my eyes open to see the familiar setting of my dorm here at UCLA. They're a nice size but the fact that 2 beds are in one room takes up quite a bit space. My roommate/somewhat-ex girlfriend, Samara, was already gone to her morning class. Samara and I have an interesting past. We first dated briefly my junior year of high school and we broke up, thanks to –A. And then, after _she_ left and my heart was broken…Samara and I later reconnected, but we were just friends. That's all I could give her at the time, _she _took my heart when she left me. I keep referring to her as _she _because her name…that name…can just flood in so many memories that I've tried so hard to get rid of since the day she left senior year. Alison DiLaurentis. My personal black hole. My kryptonite. And most of all, my **heartbreaker**. Anyways, once Samara and I finally made it official I felt like maybe I can move on, maybe I could be happy again. I was wrong. Every time Samara's lips connected with mine and my eyes closed all I saw was Ali. Samara and I haven't had sex because I would feel terrible if I did that while I was thinking about Alison. Samara just thought I was virtuous, that I wanted to wait until marriage, which was total bullshit. When Alison and I dated there wasn't a time where my hands weren't sliding up her dress. Just the thought of _those_ memories that I had with Alison made my heart swell. I just don't understand where everything went wrong. –A was finally gone, it was our senior year….yet Ali was still depressed; she was still overly paranoid and distant. I tried so hard to distract her and bring her back to life, but I couldn't. We started dating senior year and I gave her all of me, in every way, but she was still broken inside. The last moment I had with her…..she unexpectedly came over my house while I was studying for my calculus test; she said she was saying goodbye. I didn't understand at first, but slowly I started to realize what was happening; she was leaving, again. And this time, I really couldn't stop her, because even her dad was on board. Before the 1st semester of senior year was even over, Ali moved back to Georgia with her grandmother. I insisted on a long distance relationship, but what I got was much worse. I lost her – completely. She cut off all communication with me _and _the girls. Hanna, Spencer, and Aria all eventually moved past it. They were tired of chasing after Ali, but not me. I tried and tried and tried for the rest of the year and not once did she ever reply. It ruined me. I was a mess for what seemed like forever and I needed to get out of Rosewood, hell Pennsylvania, the other girls settled for semi-close schools. Aria and Hanna jetted off to NYU and Spencer took over the top class at UPenn. But me, I needed to go. So I packed up my life and moved to California to attend UCLA. Although I still couldn't swim because of the incident with –A, UCLA was impressed with my grades considering I was a varsity athlete and team manager for the Sharks while maintaining a 4.0 GPA, so they gave me a scholarship and I took it. That's when I reconnected with Samara, she was eager to leave Rosewood as well. And well, our relationship was blossoming but I just couldn't find myself to fully give her my all. So I told her maybe we should just take a break and remain close, so that's what we're doing, but it kind of feels like we're still dating, I know she really cares for me.

I tossed and turned around in my bed trying to find a comfortable position but I just couldn't…it reminded me of a time where I used to be like this and only Ali knew exactly how to make it stop…

_FLASHBACK_

_I tossed and turned in bed trying to find a comfortable position to settle in. After the 4__th__ turn Ali's last bit of understanding flew away. "Em, stop freaking moving I can't sleep!" Ali groaned. "I can't get comfortable" I said as I squirmed into a new position. I felt Ali's semi-cold hands begin to straddle my waist and Ali slid on top of me, making me lay fully on my back. My heart begin pounding as I could feel Ali's arousal build up on my midsection because the only thing keeping her…"promise land" from being completely exposed onto my stomach was a lacey pair of Victoria Secret underwear that had a lovely bra to match. Ali lowered her lips to my ear and whispered in a husky voice, "babe, if you don't stop moving I'm going fuck you until you're not able to lift a finger." And she slowly began to place soft kisses on my earlobe and down my jawline. I took a huge gulp and bit my lip as I unsuccessfully tried to suppress my moans because I wasn't sure if Ali's dad was home or not. I felt Ali's hands slide under my tank top, pushing it up and trace over my abs up to my breast and she cupped and squeezed them, making me let out a moan that she drowned out by kissing me and sliding her tongue into my mouth. I could now feel Ali's wetness soak through her underwear and onto my bare stomach making me moan even more. I let my hands explore up and down her body, finally to her ass and giving it a squeeze making it her turn to moan. Without any warning Ali released my breast and slid her hands down into my underwear, plunging 2 fingers into me making my back arch and my head slam back onto the pillow. She plunged in and out of me going deeper and faster with each pump while she attempted to drown out my load moans with kisses. Ali knew exactly all the places to hit and curl as her fingers were deep inside of me. I felt myself lose control of all my thoughts as my body pushed down onto her fingers in rhythm with her. As I inched closer to my finish I started moaning her name louder and louder until I felt my legs began to weaken and I released my orgasms all over Ali's fingers and she slowly pumped in and out of me, letting me ride out my orgasm. When I finally came down from my high I felt Ali slide her hand out of my underwear and lick her fingers "mmm" she moaned, "You taste good Em." She said while kissing me once more. My eyes dragged slowly and everything felt hazy, when she pulled away from the kiss I saw a smirk appear on her face as she planted a soft kiss on my cheek and laid her head on my chest. "Night Em" I heard her say along with a sigh of contempt as I drifted off into a deep sleep, not moving an inch._

_End of Flashback - _

I shook the memory away and decided it was best if I got up and to go get coffee. Lying around is doing me no good and I need some fresh air anyways. I rose out of bed and headed to the medium sized bathroom that was filled with hair care products and girly soaps, Samara had a thing for body wash. I brushed my teeth and headed to my closet to pick out a white V-neck and a flannel with a light pair of shorts to compliment the beautiful weather outside. As I headed out the door and down to the campus Starbucks I couldn't help but have a weird twinge in my gut, I just felt a bolt of nerves form and I didn't know why. I entered the coffee shop and glanced around the place. It was a nice coffee shop that just had a cozy but open feeling to it. I stepped up to the register to order my drink and as I opened my mouth to order I heard someone say behind me "_light Americano, extra espresso_." And in that very moment my heart dropped to the floor and my ability to breathe halted. I'd recognize that voice anywhere. I'd never forget it. I turned around to see my 5'4, blonde hair pink plush lipped heartbreaker, whose big blue eyes screamed fear, nervousness, love, sympathy, and most of all – remorse.


	2. Chapter 2

EMILY'S POV

I couldn't breathe, as I looked at the face that I thought I'd never see again every memory began flooding into my brain like a dam wall had just fell and all the water rushed out. I thought of all the good memories, the bad ones, the ones before she disappeared, the ones when she finally came back – everything. If I thought never seeing Alison again made me feel terrible, actually seeing her again was much worse. I felt my heart began to break all over again, but this time more violently. Hearing her voice – smash. Looking into her eyes – smash. Hearing her say "Em" – smash. Every second that I stood here taking her in I felt my heart being smashed into pieces again. I had felt the tears in my eyes swell up but it wasn't until I felt a flood of them race down my neck that I realized I was silently bawling in the middle of Starbucks in front of Alison. I did the only thing I could do; I raced out of the Starbucks pushing past the people in line behind us. I thought I would get far until I felt a warm hand wrap around my wrist and pull me to a stop "Em, please! Just let me explain. Please!" I heard Alison plead. Suddenly I felt the hot broken-hearted tears form into tears of pure anger as I turned to face her, "How could you do this Alison?! How can you leave without any explanation or any reason and just lose all contact with me?! I CALLED YOU FOR MONTHS! YOU NEVER ANSWERED. Everything was okay again, - A was gone! You had no reason! You made me fall back in love with you Alison, hard and fast and you just left again, you broke my heart, AGAIN. I hate you! I hate you so much and you think you can just show up 2 years later out of the fucking blue?! How did you even find me Alison?!" I screamed at her. She fell silent and looked down, contemplating her answer. "Fucking answer me Ali!" I screamed again, ignoring all the weird looks I received because I was yelling at a girl in the middle of a campus. She finally looked up and I saw tears at the edge of her eyes, "I went back….for you. I-I…" I heard Ali sigh in frustration as she tried to find her words. "You what Alison?" I said calmer, but still laced with anger. "I needed to explain everything! Why I did what I did….I missed you, and I needed you to know I loved, no, _love _you. But when I got back home your mom told me you left to UCLA...so I didn't even think twice, I bought a ticket and flew out here. But I wasn't ready to face you yet, I couldn't. So I enrolled into UCLA, got an apartment and tried to build up the courage to face you.It's been a couple weeks, when I saw you go into Starbucks this morning…I just thought, it's now or never so I approached you. Em, I'm so sorry, I know this isn't anything close to what I owe you, but if you just give me a chance to explain…" Ali said. I sighed, knowing that even if I said no, I still would eventually come back. I gave her a small nod and she pulled her phone out, unlocking it and handing it to me. I winced when I saw that her background was a picture of us, I put my number in her phone and handed it back. "Um, if you're not busy later I can send you my address and you can come over so we can talk." Ali hesitantly suggested. "Yeah, okay" I replied. "Okay…I'll see you tonight, Em." Ali said, I could tell she wanted to give me a hug but refrained from doing so; I just gave her a small nod and turned to head back to my dorm. I looked back one last time and Alison did the same, making out eyes connect, and she gave me a small smile before I broke eye contact and walked a little faster into my building.

I stared at myself in the mirror for what seemed like 20 minutes fixing my hair and adjusting my make-up, even when I'm pissed at Alison I still feel compelled to look my best for her. I could feel Samara's eyes burning a hole into my head; I know she wanted to ask me where I was going, and why I was trying so hard to look good. She looked up from her book that she was "reading" and asked "Uh, got a date….Em?" hesitantly, trying hard not to sound over jealous. "Oh, uh, no….just meeting up with some friends to study for our test next Friday, we may stop and eat afterwards though..." I replied. I heard her let out a sigh of relief and I felt a pinch of guilt knowing I was lying to her, hell, to her a date just might be preferable considering what I was really doing. Samara was there for me when I was still pushing past my feelings for Alison, I confided in her. I knew if I told Samara Ali was back she would flare up into anger and it would start a fight, especially because what me and Samara have isn't completely over, we haven't exactly talked about a complete breakup. I was starting to feel nervous about this situation…I'm only going to Alison's because I needed closure, I needed to know why she left me. So I released all the nerves that I was feeling and headed out the door, "I'll see you later" I said to Samara. She looked up at me giving me a small smile "have fun." She said. _I don't think fun is in the cards for me tonight. _I thought as I continued out the door and into the dorm elevators to descend down to the 1st floor. I exited the building and headed to my car; once I was sitting in the driver's seat I turned the car on and just sat there for a minute. I took a deep breath and then pulled out my phone to GPS the address Alison sent me earlier. The address was only 10 minutes off campus, so I headed towards her house, nervous for what I'm about to encounter.

As I pulled up to Alison's apartment complex I recognized the building, this is where the rich kids from UCLA live. I remember the first party I went to at the school was here, the inside of the apartments were super nice. One of the most luxurious I've seen. I pulled into the parking lot and parked. When I got out the car I went to the entrance of the tall building and walked in. The lady at the front desk stopped me and asked who I was here for. "Um, I'm Emily Fields and I'm here for Alison DiLaurentis, room 409" I replied. She nodded and picked up her phone, making a call. "Hello, Ms. DiLaurentis. There's an Emily Fields here to see you. Okay, yes ma'am. Have a nice night." She said as she put the phone back onto the hook. "You can go right up" the lady said. I thanked her and proceeded to the elevator. As I was whisked up to the 4th floor I started twiddling my fingers to calm myself. When the elevator dinged I stepped out and followed the signs on the wall that tells you where the numbers are. Once I reached 409 I took one last breath and knocked on the door. I heard light footsteps coming towards the door and the lock turn, when Alison opened the door I looked up at her and our eyes met once again. I could feel my heart pounding against my chest rapidly. "Hi." I said meekly. She gave me a small smile and replied "Hi, Em. Come in." she moved over allowing me to enter. As I did I was impressed with the apartment. When you first walk in there's a small but elegant stair case that circled leading to what seemed like Ali's bedroom. When you look to the left there was a beautiful panoramic view of the city of Los Angeles, it was breathe taking. There was a big flat screen TV mounted on the wall and just beneath is was an elegant fireplace that looked like it was built into the wall. All of Alison's furniture was either black or a soothing white to compliment the smooth black wooden floors. She had a big white fur rug in the middle of the living room that had a comfy black couch on top of it along with a rectangular glass coffee table. Behind it was few feet away was a long white rectangular dining table and off to the right was a small classy kitchen that looked like it was equipped with the latest cooking technology there is. This place was like a studio apartment for millionaires. I know Ali's dad was probably paying for it and I can tell that it isn't cheap. As my eyes wondered around, taking in everything Alison closed the door and walked next to me. "Um, do want something to drink?" she asked, breaking the silence. "Uh, yes please." I huffed as I followed her to the kitchen. When she opened the fridge I spotted a bottle of alcohol in the door of the fridge and said "I can definitely go for some of that". I saw a light smirk cross Ali's face and it made me shudder remembering all the times I've seen that smirk. She pulled out the alcohol and reached into the cabinet to grab two small glasses. She poured us both a glass and handed me one. I took a drink of it and scrunched up my face letting out a cough at the burning sensation it caused. Alison let out a slight giggle and said "You never could take your alcohol" and I quirked up my eyebrow, taking that as a challenge. I picked up my glass and downed the entire cup. I saw Alison's eyes widen in shock as I sat the glass back down triumphantly. "Wow… I see your competiveness never died down" she mumbled. We both began, and laughing at the same time reminiscing on how competitive I was. Out of nowhere I blurted out "Why'd you leave Ali?" making the smile on her face disappear and the tension in the room rise. She propped her elbows onto the counter across from me. We were now face to face, nothing could stop this moment. The truth, I needed it and she was going to give it to me. "I still felt unsafe…"she began. "I was paranoid all the time, I could barely sleep if I wasn't in your arms….I needed out of Rosewood, Em. Everything about that place reminded me of – A … of everything I went through, everything _we_ went through. You guys adjusted, got back to your regular lives….I couldn't. I needed to leave, for my sanity. I needed to break away from everything in my past, no matter how much it hurt." I could feel myself starting to tear up. "Why couldn't you just tell me that Ali, I could've helped you?" I said in what could pass as a whisper. She sighed, "No you couldn't have Emily. I needed to break away so I could be a better person for myself, for you… I never stopped loving you. Every time I saw you calling I wanted to book the first flight back to Rosewood, but I couldn't. If I didn't take that time for myself then I would still be that shaky, paranoid girl. Our relationship would've consisted on you consulting me and making sure I didn't have a nervous breakdown every time you left my side." She said as she leaned over to take my hands in hers "Em, I know that it broke you when I left, and I swear I would do anything to take that feeling away to make you forget how that felt. I wish I could go back and wipe away every tear to shed over me when I left…but I can't. I know it's unfair to just come back and demand you love me again, so I'm not going to. But I needed you to know what really happened, I needed you to know I never stopped loving you. You're the love of my life Emily Fields." She said while looking me dead in my eyes. I saw the sincerity in her eyes, the vulnerability. Although I still feel the pain that Ali left behind, there was no doubt that I loved this girl. I slowly leaned forward and connected our lips for the first time in years. I felt an electric bolt dash throughout my body awakening me. I inhaled as Ali deepened the kiss, I finally felt like I could breathe. The faint scent of vanilla invaded my senses as I ran my hands through Ali's hair pushing our heads together even more. I felt Ali's tongue push against my bottom lip and I opened my mouth allowing her to invade my mouth as our tongues battled for dominance. We stood there, making out for what seemed like forever until my lungs felt as if they were going to give out if I don't catch my breath and I disconnected our lips and Ali pushed forward trying to make that connection again, "Ali wait, I can't breathe" I huffed. She looked up into my eyes and mumbled, "Sorry". I smiled and caressed her cheek. "Ali…you don't have to demand my love for you…you've always had it. I can say I'm done with you as much as I want, but I know that my heart will forever beat for you." I said honestly. She smiled and connected our lips once again and I felt something that I haven't felt in a long time – lust. It's been over a year since I've had sex with anyone, but tonight, with Ali I let lose all my anger, fear, and passion that's been building inside of me since the day she last kissed me. And it felt amazing.


End file.
